Sharp Suits & Soft Glam: What ‘Stem’ Really Means in LGBTQIA+ Culture

The word “stem” has an entirely different meaning in the LGBTQIA+ world. If you know, you know — but if you don’t, here’s the rundown. In Black and Latinx communities, “stem” blends the identities of “stud” and “femme.” Still, the meaning goes a bit deeper than it seems. Here’s a breakdown of what it means to be a “stem” lesbian.

What is a “stem?”

“Stem” describes someone who mixes both masculine and feminine traits in their style and demeanor. Think of it as a stylish middle ground between the two. A stem person will typically blend elements from both ends of the gender expression spectrum. For instance, a stem woman might wear masculine attire with flawless makeup. A stem person might also rock a suit one day and a dress the next.

This label comes straight from queer communities of color, where language isn’t just about identity. According to We Are Her, “stem” is mostly used by women of color who don’t feel like they fully fit into either the “stud” or “femme” categories. It offers room to flex both sides without pressure to stick to one box.

A “stud” is a term used within Black and Latinx communities to describe a lesbian who has a masculine expression. Studs often present themselves with traditionally masculine attire and mannerisms, distinguishing them from other gender expressions within the lesbian community. Studs will also take on the more “masculine” role in relationships, though every stud walks their own path. This term is rooted in community culture and isn’t meant to be used lightly or by just anyone. Also, it is not interchangeable with “butch,” which is more common in white LGBTQIA+ spaces.

On the flip side, “femme” refers to folks who have a feminine presence. Femmes often adopt traditionally feminine clothing, behaviors, and roles. We’re talking nails done, hair laid, heels clicking, and soft glam for days. While the term was first associated with lesbians, it has evolved and is now used by bisexual women, gay men, and transgender people.

Is it offensive to use the word “stem” to describe someone?

It is important to recognize that “stud” and, by extension, “stem,” have deep roots in Black LGBTQIA+ culture. Using these terms without understanding their cultural significance can come off as disrespectful or appropriative. If you’re outside the Black LGBTQIA+ community, casually throwing around “stem” might not be the move. It’s all about context and respect.

A discussion about the topic became heated on Reddit, as users shared their thoughts on the matter. “Since stem comes from stud, which is an intra-community label for Black lesbians, stem also becomes a racially specific label for Black lesbians who are both masculine and feminine aligned,” one person commented.

While it’s great to learn about and appreciate different identities, always approach situations with respect and awareness. When in doubt, ask questions or do some research to ensure you’re honoring the individuals the term represents. And remember, being part of the LGBTQIA+ community doesn’t automatically give you a pass to use every term freely.

Do you think labels like stud, femme, and stem help people express themselves — or do they sometimes feel limited? Comment below!

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