Jen Shah on Adjusting to ‘Brown Bag’ Breakfasts and Battling ‘Self-Destructive’ Thinking in Prison

Jen Shah is having a hard time in jail — but we’re not sure what she expected.

via People:

In her second journal entry of the week, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City star detailed her time inside Bryan Federal Prison Camp (FPC), where she’s currently serving 6.5 years behind bars for her role in a fraud and telemarketing scheme.

“Kashana, who’s nickname is Special K, also surrendered with me yesterday,” Shah, 47, wrote in Friday’s Instagram post, which was titled “Journal Entry #2.”

“We’ve kind of both stuck together the first full day as we both walked in shocked, stunned and scared trying to figure out where we go from here,” she continued. “Today is Saturday, there is a 6 a.m. brown bag breakfast brought into the common area of our unit. I was so tired and didn’t wake up but Special K got one for me.”

Shah then described her menu options, which are much different than the lavish meals she’s used to.

“It had one piece of wheat bread, an apple, two packets of jelly and a packet of instant oatmeal. I ate the piece of bread: a lady was offering instant coffee in the common area but I didn’t have a mug,” she wrote. “I saved the apple and oatmeal packet in my locker since I don’t go to the commissary until next Tuesday. If I get hungry, I can at least have something to eat.”

The reality star went on to note how the time away from her husband Sharrieff Sr., 52, and sons Sharrieff Jr., 28, and Omar, 19, has made her extremely emotional.

“I cried silently sitting on my top bunk bed last night pretending to fall asleep reading a book, but in actuality my chest was hurting as if my heart had broken in a million pieces,” she wrote. “I laid in the dark alone with my thoughts of having to say goodbye to my family – to my sweet husband and boys.”

“Sharrieff’s face was seared in my thoughts, remembering Omar’s tears as I hugged him tight, Sharrieff Jr’s face on FT as I said goodbye to him from the SUV before we arrived at Bryan FPC,” she continued.

In addition to missing her family, Shah said she’s been spending her days processing her new reality, which is still hard for her to believe.

“As I stare into the dark, I think this has to be a dream – but here I am. I keep thinking this is insane, completely ridiculous,” she wrote. “Why am I here? I mean, I know why I’m here, but this just feels like someone like me doesn’t belong here. I’ve never been in trouble before.”

She continued, “Then I instantly stop myself from going down this self-destructive path of thinking. I am here because of my bad decisions. I am here because I did this to myself and there is no one to blame but me.”

“The pain and guilt I feel for creating victims, for doing this to my family – putting them through this ordeal the past 2 1/2 years. And their pain of having to watch me surrender yesterday, and now the beginning of what will be 78 months without me is crushing my soul,” Shah added.

Her second journal entry concluded with some optimism as Shah recalled how Special K woke her up to inform her that their phone access codes (PAC), which are used to contact their loved ones outside of jail via telephone, were now available to use.

“I immediately jump up, grab my glasses and stumble off the top bunk,” Shah wrote. “I look for my PAC# paperwork and quickly go to the phones so Special K can show me how to activate my PAC#. Special K already had someone show her how to do it earlier that morning. My heart is racing. My hands are shaking.”

“The thought of finally being able to call my husband and hear his voice is making my eyes water. I activate my PAC #, record my voice greeting and set up the few contacts I could remember in the computer,” she continued. “Now I must wait an additional 15 minutes before I call my husband.”

“I tried three times and the system says ‘you cannot make a call at this time.’ I am trying to stay patient and not get frustrated,” Shah added. “I must learn to focus on what I can control. I am not alone in my struggles and I must remember that on days where I want to just see my husband and children.”

Despite her efforts to remain positive and hopeful, Shah admitted that it’s hard not to get emotional at her current situation. “My eyes are filling up with tears. I go to the bathroom and cry so no one will see or hear me.”

Shah reported to prison on Feb. 17 to serve 6.5 years after being arrestedtwo years earlier for running a nationwide telemarketing fraud scheme. Though she initially pleaded not guilty in April 2021, her assistant Stuart Smith pled guilty in November 2021. And while Shah initially maintained her innocence, she reversed her plea in July 2022.

Before reporting to prison, Shah’s attorney Priya Chaudhry spoke out on her behalf in a statement to PEOPLE.

“Jen Shah’s resolve to make her victims whole and to turn her life around is unyielding,” the statement read. “She is committed to serving her sentence with courage and purpose, fueled by her desire to make amends for the hurt she has caused and to help others in her new community. No obstacle will deter Jen from making the most of her time in prison and she’s determined to make restitution to those whose lives she has impacted.”

Shah will have five years of supervision after her release.

Jen’s prison isn’t nearly as bad as some of the other correctional facilities in this country. She’ll be alright.

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