‘I was so tired of being alive’: Megan Thee Stallion’s heartbreaking testimony against blogger

Megan Thee Stallion testified in her defamation trial against blogger Milagro Cooper, whom she is accusing of defamation.

Trigger warning: The article below references suicidal ideation

Megan Thee Stallion is speaking out again about how online harassment has affected her mental health.

The “Body” rapper took to the witness stand on Thursday in her defamation trial against blogger Milagro “Gramz” Cooper. In her emotional testimony, she spoke about how her mental health declined because of what she believes was targeted online harassment from Cooper, which involved deepfake porn the blogger shared.

“There was a time that I genuinely didn’t care if I lived or died,” Megan said, according to reporting from ABC News. “I felt like no way I mattered. No way I should even be living. I don’t want to be here. I’m tired of waking up. I just wanted to die. I was so tired of being alive.”

Megan, whose name is Megan Pete, is accusing Cooper of defamation, promoting a deepfake porn video of her, as well as intentional infliction of emotional distress. Megan believes that Cooper was a “puppet” for Tory Lanez, who is serving time after being convicted of shooting her in 2020, to spread false information about her online. Lanez, whose name is Daystar Peterson, also testified via prison.

“She’s created a space for a lot of people to come speak negatively about me,” Megan said about Cooper, who she argues made posts to undermine the Lanez shooting and make her a less sympathetic victim.

“I felt like nobody cared that I was shot,” she said. “I know everyone was making jokes about it.”

Cooper argued in her own testimony that she did not discuss her posts about the shooting with Lanez, but she has spoken to him to try and have him as a guest on her channel. She also said she had received some payments from Lanez’s father, Sonstar Peterson, but that they were for her daughter’s birthdays and for “promotional services” for his podcast.

The rapper’s former manager, Travis Farris, and the Senior VP, Branding & Strategic Partnerships at Roc Nation, Daniel Kinney, have also taken the stand. Farris revealed that Megan’s mental health was so poor from the social media hate that he got her into a treatment center, which cost $240,000 a month. Kinney said that Cooper’s “ongoing campaign of harassment” against Megan prevented the rapper from capitalizing on brand partnership opportunities with Activision/Call of Duty, Google Pixel, Just Eat’s Takeaway, and U.S. Women’s Soccer Federation.

Megan has spoken openly about the impact of Lanez’s shooting her and the subsequent trial, as well as the online backlash, on her mental health. In the 2024 documentary, “In Her Words,” she discusses having a mental breakdown from post-traumatic stress and has created songs like “Cobra,” which express feelings of depression and suicidal ideation.

Today, in her testimony, she acknowledged those low moments in her life, but said she is not giving in.

“I’m not going to kill myself because I’m not going to give them what they’re looking for,” she said.