A half-hearted defense of the Cheesecake Factory as a first-date spot

OPINION: It’s low-key one of America’s favorite restaurants so why all the hate?

Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.

There’s been a lot of anti-Cheesecake Factory slander floating around recently, and I’m not having it. My mother has forced me to go to Cheesecake Factory several times, and as a restaurant, it’s fine. It’s in the category of “I would never suggest going there, but if mom wants to go there, I’m OK with it.” But the anti-Cheesecake Factory sentiment is raging throughout Beyoncé’s internet right now. There’s a viral list where women named restaurants and places they refused to go on first dates and Cheesecake Factory was No. 1. What??? There’s also the viral story of a woman who politely but firmly refused to go to Cheesecake Factory on a date. Even my man Marc Lamont Hill has mocked Cheesecake Factory on CNN. I don’t get all of the hate. 

I’m someone who hates lots of things, but I don’t see y’all’s point this time. I’ve had several vaguely pleasurable experiences at Cheesecake Factory. Also, every year the restaurant industry polls over 4,000 diners, and in 2020 the voters said it was the best casual dining place in America. It was also No. 1 in 2019. It was also No. 1 in 2016. As far as medium-nice chain restaurants, this is the cream of the crop. A Food Network star chef once told Vox, “The Cheesecake Factory is the Michelin three stars of chain restaurants.” I don’t know why y’all are mad.

The Cheesecake Factory pulls in nearly $3 billion a year so they must be doing something right. It’s in a lane the restaurant industry calls “upscale casual dining.” Cheesecake actually claims to have invented upscale casual dining. (This sector includes Applebee’s, Olive Garden, Hard Rock Café, Red Lobster and TGIFriday’s. As opposed to other sectors like “fast food” as in McDonald’s or “fast casual” like Boston Market or “fine dining,” i.e., a place with nice tablecloths.) Cheesecake is what would happen if a nice tablecloth-type restaurant met a diner where they serve everything, and they had a baby who grabbed a basic comfort food cookbook and called it a menu.

About the menu — at Cheesecake, you don’t really need it. There are like 250 items on it. You could spend your whole lunch hour reading it. It should come with a Cliff’s Notes version. Save time — just close your eyes and imagine what you want. They have it. 

If you do spend time looking at the book that is their menu, you’ll never get that time back, but also you’ll feel like everything’s been focus-grouped in front of middle-aged suburban moms. Instead of burgers, there’s “Glamburgers.” I don’t know what the difference is. Salads could’ve been “Wowlads,” but no they’re just salads. However, there is a whole section of “Skinnylicious” offerings. (That word is a disgusting furball vomited up from the depths of Madison Avenue portmanteau hell. That said, I bet Beyoncé will one day do a song called “Skinnylicious.” But I digress.) 

The menu is one reason why a lot of men choose Cheesecake Factory for a first date — he doesn’t know much about her yet and the variety of the Cheesecake menu lets him feel comfortable that she’s going to find something she likes. Look, this may be the last time on the date that he actually puts some thought into wondering what she wants, so maybe she should be grateful?

In the 200-plus Cheesecake Factory locations all across this mid nation, there’s a lightness to the décor. Unlike, say, TGIFriday’s, which is purposely dark like a neighborhood bar gone corporate, Cheesecake is all white colors and bright lights and softness, as if the place is happy to be a restaurant but deep down it wishes it were a yoga studio. The décor is a big deal. The founder once said he was inspired by New York bathhouses, but from what I have heard from others about New York bathhouses, I don’t see any connection. Vox once wrote that Cheesecake Factory looks like, “A time-traveling Italian artisan drew ancient Egypt from memory.” None of us remember Egypt and none of us can time travel so that sentence may be fun but it’s not that helpful.

Cheesecake is like Drake — super popular and able to do a lot of things well but unable to do anything great. Just like Drake is not a great rapper, the food at Cheesecake is not great. It’s solid. You get a lot, and it tastes fine but there’s way more interesting food out there. Some hate on Cheesecake because it’s a chain but they’re texting you on their iPhone to say they refuse to use their Jordans to drive their BMW to Cheesecake. Why are your anti-corporate hackles up only for Cheesecake but not for Apple, Nike, BMW or any of the many big brands you interact with every day? You’re wearing Balenciaga and Yeezys but complaining about Cheesecake because it’s a chain? Really? Nobu is a chain. I bet most women would be happy going to Nobu on a first date. Don’t tell me the problem is it’s a chain. If you can wear one, we can go to one. 

Guys should use Cheesecake as a sort of canary in the coal mine. Use it as a way of figuring out what she thinks about you. If you can get away with taking her to Cheesecake that means she thinks you’re cool. Or, to be more precise, if she’s open to going to Cheesecake with you that means you’re probably a better option than most of the guys on her roster. But if she says no to Cheesecake with you that means she thinks you deserve to work harder to merit her attention. That means you’re at the bottom of her roster or at least you’re below the level of guy she thinks she deserves. It’s like if Drake offered to take her to KFC, she’d run there, but if Vivek Ramaswamy offered to take her to Nobu, she’d catch a headache. Cheesecake is the midpoint between them so the issue is not that you need to find another restaurant. Cheesecake is great. You need to find a girl who’s happy you’re taking her there.

Touré is a host and Creative Director at theGrio. He is the host of Masters of the Game on theGrioTV. He is also the host and creator of the docuseries podcast “Being Black: The ’80s” and the animated show “Star Stories with Toure” which you can find at TheGrio.com/starstories. He is also the host of the podcast “Toure Show” and the podcast docuseries “Who Was Prince?” He is the author of eight books including the Prince biography Nothing Compares 2 U and the ebook The Ivy League Counterfeiter.

TheGrio is FREE on your TV via Apple TV, Amazon Fire, Roku, and Android TV. Please download theGrio mobile apps today! 

The post A half-hearted defense of the Cheesecake Factory as a first-date spot appeared first on TheGrio.