We Still Don’t Know Where Mitch McConnell Is: What’s Really Going On? [Op-Ed]

In the latest episode of Am I My Brother’s Crypt Keeper?, Sen. Mitch McConnell, once again, released an official statement that purports to make it clear that he’s still alive. This means we still have exactly as much proof that he’s still alive as we had when his office put out not one, but two proof-of-life photos that did not come with video footage of him saying himself that he’s still alive.

According to the New York Times, McConnell — or someone who is paid to say things on his behalf — said in a statement last week that, not only does he still exist on this mortal plane, but he has been discharged from the rehabilitation facility, where he had been treated for the nearly two months that he has been absent from Congress. He (or someone) also said he will continue his recovery at home while the Senate takes its scheduled recess this month.

“On the advice of my doctors, I’ll maintain an intensive regimen of physical therapy from home during the state work period, and I’ll continue to engage with my staff and colleagues on important Senate business,” he possibly said himself.

The Times also noted that a spokesperson for McConnell — so…so not McConnell, but someone else — did not say whether the senator would return to the Senate when the five-week break that began Monday ends in September.

I mean, honestly, it would be pretty hilarious if all the senators came back after a five-week recess to find Yertle the McConnell just sitting there ready to go like he hadn’t been on a 13-week recess that he didn’t even tell anyone he was going on. McConnell would just be sitting there like, “Hey, you guys look pretty well-rested. Welp, let’s get back to it, you lazy sack of suds.” And all his fellow congressmen would just be looking at him, mouth agape, like they had just seen and were still looking at a ghost. (Because I mean, come on, even on his healthiest day, McConnell looks like Casper’s great-great-grandpa.)

From the Times:

Mr. McConnell’s long delay in providing an explanation for his absence and failure to provide any detail about his health, along with his disappearance from public view, only amplified the scrutiny and criticism, and fed conspiracy theories about his condition.

Mr. McConnell had attached photos of him and his wife, Elaine Chao, a former labor and transportation secretary, to his first statement as well as a second he released in late July to announce he had not been “medically cleared” to return to work. But skeptics asserted without evidence that the pictures were generated by artificial intelligence and demanded video of the senator alive and conscious.

OK, it is true that, despite the photos his office released of him in a hospital bed alongside his wife, Elaine Chao, many people have speculated without evidence that McConnell was secretly dead. But as modern conspiracy theorists say: the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Although, to be fair, McConnell has been absent without evidence of his non-eternal absence, and, well — actually, I forgot where I was going with that. Moving along (like McConnell may or may not be doing)…

Since McConnell has been gone — well, not gone gone, but you know what I mean — Senate Republicans have been grappling with the absence of his vote, as the GOP already has but a slim majority in the chamber, and it might get slimmer-to-non-existent come the midterm elections. Meanwhile, Democratic Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear has been on a warpath (and by “warpath,” I mostly mean a really stern talking-to, or two) to pressure McConnell to speak plainly about whether or not he can continue his duties as a U.S. senator.

Again, all he has to do is say it himself in a recorded video. People might still speculate without evidence that it’s a deepfake, but such is life in a world of AI, MAGA and YouTube-ologists who think they know more about infectious diseases than the 40-year director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.

Just let your constituents know you’re still kicking, McConnell. We need to see your smiling face-double-chin-double-neck concoction to know it’s real.

SEE ALSO:

QTNA: Where In The World Is Senator Mitch McConnell?

The Internet Isn’t Buying The Mitch McConnell Proof Of Life Photo