The Trump And The Dana White Debacle Explained As Best As I Can Explain This Stupidity

Over the weekend, President Donald Trump announced that he had offered the job of White House press secretary to Dana White, the chief executive of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC).

“I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States,” Trump wrote Saturday. “I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job!” (Spoiler alert: he didn’t take the job.)

Now, this might have been a shocking move if we were talking about any other president besides the one who constructed a makeshift UFC ring on the White House lawn as a visual representation of how deeply insecure about their manhood MAGA Republicans are. But there’s nothing terribly surprising about Trump wanting to tap a “violent Fighter” who very publicly slapped his wife to replace the blonde woman who replaced the other blonde woman for exactly five days before getting the boot because the Trump White House is DEI for the most mediocre of the mediocre whites.

Anyway, on the same day Trump announced the job offer, CNN reported that White had quietly declined it. Also on Saturday, White said during a post-fight news conference in London that he and Trump “have a meeting on Monday, so I’m sure I’ll have more to talk about after that.”

Nah, this was like when a guy proposes to his girlfriend in public, and instead of excitedly saying yes, she leans in and whispers, “Babe, can we talk about this when we get home.”

On Sunday, a reporter asked Trump about his bid to add White to the team, to which he responded that it started with him “just kidding,” which I would bet meant he had already been rejected by then, and was trying to save a little face.

“That was an example of something where I was kidding, and then people said, ‘You know, that’s actually a pretty good idea,’” he claimed.

Meanwhile, rumors on social media began swirling that what actually happened was that Dana W. White, a Black woman who formerly served as the assistant to the secretary of Defense for public affairs, was recommended to Trump for the role, but Trump, being the stable genius that he is, confused her with Dana White, the UFC executive, leading to what would have been a comical mix-up, again, if we were talking about any other president than the one whose entire political career feels like a comical mix-up that should not happen in the real world.

Incidentally, White — uh, the Black woman White, that is — wrote in a post on LinkedIn on Sunday, “To everyone texting me congratulations: thank you, but you have the wrong Dana White. I’ve stood at a podium and taken questions from the Pentagon press corps. I have never stood in an octagon. I’d like to keep it that way.”

And, of course, because Trump can’t take a public embarrassment without finding ways to make it worse, on Sunday, he posted a Family Guy-style AI slop video of White as White House press secretary and UFC fighter Josh Hokit declaring, just as he did at the president’s Freedom 250 event, that Michelle Obama “is a man.”

And if that bit of desperate, misogynoir-laced cringe wasn’t enough, Trump posted more AI videos featuring White as his press secretary on Monday.

If I had to guess, I’d say that all of this is just more of Trump coping with the humiliating midterm trouncing that has clearly broken his brain, not that it wasn’t already plenty broken.

Next time, he should just go ahead and offer the job to Nicki Minaj, like he knows he wants to.

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