Keeping Mitch McConnell Running On Autopilot Didn’t Save The GOP Either 

If it wasn’t so damn hilarious, it would be slightly sad how hard Republicans worked to secure their power through the midterm elections, only for it all to blow up in their faces so spectacularly. All that Klan rallying, gerrymandering, failed demands for voter rolls, and anti-trans fearmongering — and none of it worked.

And, my God, the way these people propped poor Sen. Mitch McConnell up like a scarecrow and Weekend at Bernie’s-ed him through the congressional chamber in September, basically guiding his hand to help him vote, just so they wouldn’t lose any more ground than they had to — yeah, that was just sad and shameful.

Now, look, I’m not going to do what the internet is doing. I’m not going to make jokes about how McConnell would be rolling over in his grave if he lived to see the big, blue flood. I wouldn’t throw salt on that man’s pre-ordered tombstone like that. I’m just not as cruel as you heathens on social media.

 Just disrespectful. Again, I would never say anything as mean-spirited as — oh, I don’t know — Republicans used the blue wave to scatter McConnell’s ashes in secret because they knew MAGA was looking away from its utter defeat. What a horrible thing that I would definitely not say. Might as well say something even more shameful, like, “Mitch McConnell turned blue before Texas did.” But, again, I would never.

OK, but seriously, y’all — is that man still alive? Because I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been seen since his proof-of-life appearance in September. 

Did he even vote? If he did, did he know it? I mean, seriously, this could have been the real voter fraud we should have been watching for all along. I just know he thought Woodrow Wilson was on the ballot. 

Nah, Ima let that man rest. We all know Kentucky stayed red due to his blood sacrifice, after all.

I mean, probably.

SEE ALSO:

Mitch McConnell Proves He’s Still Alive, For The Most Part [Op-Ed]

The GOP Is Trying To ‘Judy Winslow’ Mitch McConnell [Op-Ed]