Taraji P. Henson opens up about saying no, setting boundaries—even with family: ‘I can’t carry your load and mine’

Taraji P. Henson gets candid about cutting people out of her life who “weighed her down,” including family.

Sometimes you have to make tough decisions to protect your peace. For Taraji P. Henson, that meant sometimes cutting off family. In a resurfaced clip of her appearance on the “IMO With Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson” podcast, Henson got candid about the power of saying no and prioritizing herself. 

“No is my favorite word,” she admitted. “And the relief that I get from saying no… because I know I’m protecting my peace. I know I’m doing a good thing because for a while I was the yes girl, the people-pleaser.” 

“I’ve had to cut people out of my life, and it’s okay. You weigh me down. I can’t carry your load and mine,” she explained. “Family members even…Sorry.” 

For the actress, declining invitations to dinner or roles was about more than just saying no. She says it was about sticking up for herself and only doing things that fulfill her rather than appeasing others. However, the 54-year-old said it took her years to reach this point. 

“It’s unfortunate. You don’t learn [that] until you get older,” she said. “Because in your 20s, you just, ‘I’m ready to do it all,’ even in your 30s still. But I’ll say at about 45, I was like,’ yeah, I am not going to do that anymore. That doesn’t serve me. That doesn’t make me happy inside.’ And if I say yes, that person is happy, but then I’m left to carry something that doesn’t feel comfortable to me.” 

Obama, who related to Henson’s statement on creating boundaries, revealed that her decision not to attend the inauguration was fueled by her wanting to do the “right thing” for herself rather than appease the general public. And while it’s easy to just “do the right thing,” Henson noted how unhealthy that can be, especially for women. 

“Then you become a shock absorber, and that’s what women are, shock absorbers and that’s exhausting, and it’s not healthy,” she stressed. “you’ve had to be a shock absorber for your husband, for your children, for your mom, for family, your loved ones, because of where you were sitting in the public eye. That’s not fair to you. When do you ever get to live for you?”