Surviving Trump: Trump Loses And Whines On Mail-In Voting, Kennedy Center, And More [Op-Ed]

Aaaaand we’re back for another round of Surviving Trump, our regular column that lists the latest slate of President Donald Trump’s big, beautiful blunders, buffoonery, and big-baby blathering sessions, because if we must endure the clown in the White House, we might as well come together to laugh at him.

Let’s get into it…

You’ve Got Mail-in Voting

This week, we reported that yet another federal judge has blocked Trump’s executive order restricting mail-in voting, ruling that the president has provided little “evidence that there will be significant fraud in the upcoming elections” if the executive order isn’t allowed to be implemented, but the order would increase “risk that a significant number of otherwise appropriate absentee or mail-in ballots will ultimately not be counted in the upcoming elections.”

The ruling was predictable, as a different judge had issued a similar ruling twice before Trump’s latest bid to unilaterally change the U.S. Constitution via an executive order.

What was even more predictable was Trump’s lengthy crash-out, in which he not only whined about SCOTUS’ mail-in voting decision, but he rehashed the court’s ruling on his unconstitutional tariffs and his unconstitutional block on birthright citizenship.

“Republicans just got another bad decision from the United States Supreme Court, one that the Court System took forever to give, and then blamed it, in part, on no time left to implement a solution to our totally CORRUPT and out of control Mail-In voting ‘disaster,’ which is a laughing stock all over the World, and where we are the only country that has to endure such a Nation Destroying SCAM. Justices Alito and Thomas, legends both, strongly disagreed with this horrible, highly political, ruling,” Trump wrote, demonstrating that he doesn’t understand the ruling against him, how quotation marks or capitalization work, or what exactly is making the U.S. “a laughing stock all over the World.” (Look inward, sir.)

Of course, Trump sang the praises of Justices Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito, because even among the bench’s six conservative justices, they’re the only two guaranteed to choose MAGA over the Constitution they’re supposed to uphold. As for the other justices, all Trump’s rant proved is that he still doesn’t understand that it is not the job of Supreme Court justices to answer to him. They do not work for the executive branch.

“This Supreme Court is bullied and cajoled by the Radical Left into making decisions that have set America back at least a hundred years,” Trump said. “These are not the people I interviewed to serve on the United States Supreme Court, they are merely a shell of their original selves, a Court that is costing the United States Trillions of Dollars with shockingly bad rulings that are of such magnitude that it won’t be easily possible for our Country to recover or heal. It is a Court that will go down as having rendered some of the most destructive, hurtful, and damaging decisions in our Country’s history.”

You know — when I started reading this rant, I actually thought there was a chance Trump wrote it himself, but there’s just no way he knows the word “cajoled.”

Anyway, Supreme Court justices are the beneficiaries of lifetime appointments, and it’s not an elected office, so no, they’re not being “bullied” by “the Radical Left.” They’re just not so MAGA that they’re willing to make the Constitution a virtually useless document again by capitulating to the president’s delusional and fact-deficient voter fraud propaganda. Hope this helps.

Kennedy Center Closes Because Judge Won’t Let Trump Desecrate It With His Stupid Name

On the last episode of Surviving Trump, I reported that Trump’s hand-picked cultists at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts warned that the institution would go bankrupt if the current president’s name wasn’t restored to the building that was meant to honor a former president who was assassinated. According to the New York Times, on Tuesday Judge Christopher R. Cooper barred the center from restoring Trump’s name to the building, saying it would violate his previous order blocking the board from doing so. So, the board — which said it will appeal the ruling — decided to abruptly shut down the center, which also violates the judge’s order, and Trump threatened to cancel a $257 million renovation all because he isn’t allowed to write his name all over an institution he has done nothing but ruin.

Also, he whined about it a lot.

“If the ruling is a negative one, which it should not be, and is not overturned by the U.S. Supreme Court, the Reconstruction and the Renovation of The Kennedy Center will not take place,” Trump wrote, expressing his continued reliance on SCOTUS, as if he wasn’t just, on the same day, whining about how the justices ain’t shit because they won’t pick the pick-me president, who has to force his own honors on the nation, because nobody really likes him outside of his cult of people who don’t know anything.

What a sad little man he is.

Who Shot Ya?

On Tuesday, Trump’s FBI released newly declassified documents revealing new insight on Thomas Matthew Crooks. Y’all remember who Thomas Matthew Crooks is, don’t you? Well, if not, I don’t blame you, because Trump rarely ever breathes a word about the man accused of taking a shot at him during a campaign event in Pennsylvania in 2024. Trump has all the smoke in the world for people whom he considers his rivals. Jimmy Kimmel, Rosie O’Donnell, every Somali person ever — when it comes to these people, he has all the time in the world. And don’t get me started on his parasocial beefs with former Presidents Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Trump spent a whole month or so obsessing over reflecting pool vandals that did not exist, but when it comes to the person who supposedly shot him and took a chunk out of his ear that we haven’t seen evidence of since, but now that his useless, bestiality-defending FBI director, Kash Patel, as provided him with another much-needed distraction, oh he has plenty to say, not so much about Crooks, but about the “Democratic Plot, to get me out of the Election,” which “the Crooked Joe Biden FBI” failed to do anything about.

“Everybody knows the Crooked Joe Biden FBI didn’t do what they should have with respect to the Lunatic who shot me in Butler, PA,” Trump wrote. “By the time I got into Office, on January 20th, most of the information was missing, altered, corrupted, or gone. New info was just found! Why wasn’t it seen long ago? This was all a Democrat Plot, to get me out of the Election, that failed. Dirty Cop Christopher Wray should pay a price for the way he handled this assassination attempt, and certainly for the things he said.”

So, “most of the information was missing, altered, corrupted, or gone,” huh? Sounds like a catastrophe of just-like-the-Epstein-files proportions.

Unfortunately for Trump, even his butt-sniffing weasel of an FBI director wouldn’t back his “Democratic plot” conspiracy.

“We found no evidence that that individual was literally even speaking to any other human being other than his parents, who he resided with,” Patel testified, according to ABC News.

It’s worth noting that many people think the attempt on Trump’s life was staged, largely because assassination attempts of world leaders don’t usually result in perfectly curated photo-ops, complete with power fists and American flags waving in the background, but also because, again, the most ranting-about-his-perceived-enemies president in history has hardly breathed a word about an event that, if it were any other president, would be a historic.

Or maybe he doesn’t talk about it because he doesn’t want to witness at least half the country and most of the world wishing a certain shooter had slightly better aim. That doesn’t happen with beloved presidents who don’t have to force their name on buildings that don’t want it.

Welp, until next time…