Brittany Renner and P.J. Washington’s heated co-parenting exchange goes viral as Rickey Smiley weighs in

The messy exchange highlights the challenges of co-parenting in the public eye, as Smiley warns that situations like this push fathers away.

Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.

A video posted by reality star Brittany Renner showing a tense, heated exchange between Renner, her mother, and her son’s father, NBA player P.J. Washington, has gone viral.

In the video recorded by Renner’s mother, P.J. Washington comes to pick up his son, P.J. Washington Jr. The younger Washington starts crying, signaling to Renner that the toddler doesn’t want to go with his father. In the video, Renner said every time Washington picked up their son and he cried, she would record it, presumably for court documentation.

Her mother can be heard in the background, implying that the crying has been going on for three weeks straight. Renner implied that their son was crying because Washington didn’t spend enough time with him. She then followed him to the car, where Washington placed their son in the car seat.

On a personal note, having gone through co-parenting with young children, most people would tell you that crying during parental exchanges isn’t uncommon. 

Things went left in Brittany Renner’s video as very profane, vulgar words are exchanged by all parties involved. Washington’s wife, Alisah Chanel, is in the passenger seat, and, at some point, Renner oddly mentions Washington’s alleged financial contributions to their son versus those to his wife. At this point, Chanel gets in on the action. It’s a mess all around that highlights a lot of other issues that can take place in co-parenting situations.

As can be imagined, the exchange caught the attention of social media, and many people weighed in on both sides. 

[As a point of note, you have to wonder if posting videos like that has the intended effect. Renner posted it, but she (nor her mother, honestly) comes off looking like neither a victim nor a better parent. We might not know the inner workings, struggles, and difficulties of their co-parenting relationship, but I can’t imagine a video like the one posted does anything to support her case or standing in the matter, at least not in the court of public opinion.]

One of the people who felt strongly enough about the situation to weigh in on it is radio personality and comedian Rickey Smiley. He had some strong words about what he saw on tape and made a video response of his own. 

“Women like that [are] the problem. Yeah, the fact that he’s showing up to pick his son up is everything, but you coming out there and antagonizing him about the baby crying or whatever. And now what, you not gonna let him get his son because the baby crying? What’s the problem? So what he crying? He’ll be all right. So what? So what? And the minute he got in the car, the crying stopped. And then, what you doing, she’s coming out there antagonizing him to make the exchange a bad experience for the child,” said Smiley. 

In an over three-minute reaction, Smiley addressed several issues he saw with what happened, expanding to bigger picture items he sees in co-parenting situations, where he believes situations like the one presented in the video are why some fathers stop showing up for their kids. The comic specifically called out the difficulty of the mother, referring to Renner as the definition of a “baby mama,” when one is ultimately concerned with money as opposed to the best interest of the child. 

“And every time you antagonize the dad, when he comes to pick the child up and it’s drama, it upsets the child, and then you walking out to the car with no good intentions and basically, what she is is a baby mama. That is the definition of a baby mama,” said Smiley.

He added, “The word ‘want.’ He don’t ‘want’ to go. He don’t have any choice, but to go because he has two parents, not one, two. A child, don’t get to choose whether he goes or not. That man is obviously a good dad, obviously doing well for himself or whatever, and you turn him, our father’s trying to make fatherhood a bad experience for him because it’s all about you. What a narcissist!” 

Smiley called Renner’s actions, as well as mothers lik her, “disgusting.” Explaining the broader consequences, he said, “The way she behaved in the exchange with the child is absolutely disgusting, and why a lot of men decide that they don’t want to put up with that, and they just say, ‘Hey, I’ll just see the child when they get 18.’”

The radio show host said many “good dads” are “trying to do the right thing,” adding, “You always talking about a deadbeat dad, but then you bring up the money. So now it’s about money. That’s what it’s about.”

While it is doubtful that Smiley would suggest that any men are validated or justified for being absent from their children’s lives because of issues with the child’s mother, he is offering what he believes to be the roadmap for how those disconnects happen, as demonstrated by Brittany Renner (and her mother). 

Renner and Washington’s situation is not uncommon; most people don’t record their interactions to post to 4.5 million followers, allowing the worldwide community to weigh in. Hopefully, as a family, they are able to work those issues out for the children involved—Washington and Chanel also have a child—so that those kids can have healthy, stable relationships with all of the parents involved.

The “best interest of the child” is often a term used in co-parenting situations, though what that looks like is easier said than done. But over time, perhaps cooler heads can prevail. As for Smiley, he’s speaking from the perspective of fathers. Maybe this was his reality, and it triggered something, but either way, as Brittany Renner shared her truth, Smiley (and others) reacted to it.